Video Week: When to say “I love you”
April 7, 2010 at 10:16 pm Holly MacRossin 3 comments
The Question…
“I was wondering, in a relationship when is it appropriate to say ‘I love you’ for the first time? And if the other person says it first, is it necessary to say it back even if you don’t mean it?”
The Answer…
Remember:
- Only say, “I love you,” if you truly mean it. If there is any hesitation or doubt, maybe this is not the time.
- Distinguish “love” and “lust.” Perhaps you are only attracted and mesmerized by this person, not in love with them.
- Make sure you know the person well. The more you know them, the more positive and confident you are with your words and what they mean.
Also:
- Never feel pressured to say “I love you” back to someone if you do not feel the same way.
- A mature, trusting partner will understand that you are not ready and will not take offense to this.
- Actions about love can always speak louder than words.
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1.
Doug | April 7, 2010 at 11:42 pm
I disagree a mature, loving partner would take offense an reciprocated “I love you.” If a person says “I understand” when somebody doesn’t reply in kind to one of the most intimate things you can say, he or she is essentially saying “I cede complete relationship control to you.”
To be sure, the word means different things to different people and some are hesitant because they’ve been hurt in the past, but 9 times of 10 if one person says it and the other will not, there is something wrong in the relationship.
2.
Doug | April 7, 2010 at 11:46 pm
wouldn’t* take offense
3.
Holly MacRossin | April 8, 2010 at 9:13 pm
I see where you are coming from, and don’t get me wrong I agree to an extent. I’m not sure just because one person says it though and the other doesn’t, necessarily puts one person in “complete control.” I’ve been in this situation before and there wasn’t anything wrong with the relationship, it was actually a pretty good one. The initial “i love you” to me though simply took me by surprise. I guess this entire subject is circumstantial though…